Cash, Credit, Traveler Checks, or Dried Mucous Balls?

An anonymous submitter wrote in to TDP to share feelings about sneezers and nose pickers:

“I HATE it when people do gross things with their hands and then touch you or something of yours with them; examples:

Your friend sneezes. At first you are grateful that they have covered their mouth and nose so not to get sneeze juice all over, then, after wiping the residue off on their jeans, your “friend” decides to manhandle your cell phone/get that smudge off your face/or worse stick their hand in the Doritos…gross! We can’t be friends.

Nose pickers! For all of those who have worked in the retail industry, you know what I mean when I say this: please do not pick your nose right before handing me your cash or credit. Unless you expect to find real gold up there, I do not want what is coming out. 

So, in conclusion, whether we are besties or total strangers, I cannot stand your dirty hands. Please buy some Purel.”

My thoughts…

• At first I was really grossed out by the term “sneeze juice,” but then I became okay with it. Try use it in two separate conversations today.
• Everyone picks. EVERYONE. We pick it up as a habit in grade school when we see the cool girl/guy in the corner chewing on crayons/scratching down under/eating boogers. It travels with us to adulthood. True, people could be more discreet or classy while picking their nose. I go for the shock factor, meaning I walk around knuckle deep in a nostril.

What do you think? If you see any nose pickers this holiday weekend, send em in! Post them on da blog, send them to thedailypeeve@gmail.com, TweetPic them @thedailypeeve, or upload them on the Facebook fan page. Mazel!

TAKE ME SERIOUSLY, Corona Sandals and All

SImilar to my earlier ignorant baby tee story, I got no patience for people wearing alcohol-branded apparel out and about.

I distinctly remember an experience I had in church from my teenage years. Don’t assume, it wasn’t an epiphany or an inner calling to devote my life to missionary work. I was kneeling during Communion, busy people watching when I saw an older man lope up the aisle in sandals. I can deal with flip flops at church, but when I looked down to see if they were $1 cheap Old Navy flip flops or an upgrade to $5.99 rubber K-Mart kicks, I saw CORONA sandals!

Questions flooded my mind:

• Where am I?
• Should I do a double take or just assume the worst of this person?
• Maybe it’s his family crest that he had imprinted on those cheap sandals?
• Is he drunk?

Are these sandals suitable anywhere? Perhaps at the beach or a pool party. Certainly not in a house of worship! Are you aware of the kind of message you’re sending me? You may be thinking, “These sandals show I’m ready for the weekend, for three days of hard partying, boozing it up with Mike’s Hard Lemonades, minimal (and by minimal I mean only twice an hour) Blackberry usage, and grilling overpriced Angus beef patties.” However, my brainwaves are picking up “My wife yelled at me for wearing these inappropriate shoes to church, but I’m not happy with our marriage, so this is the most mature way to get back at her.”

I found other abominations on the web:

Margaritaville Appliqued Bathrobe, 100% Cotton Terry Cloth, Short, Fuchsia, One Size

“Lounge around with your favorite cocktail in our luxurious margaritaville appliqued robe! What a fun way to relax! Robe is 36” length which is approximately knee length, with turn back shawl collar, two front patch pockets to keep everything handy & a adjustable self wrap belt. One Size Fits Most is also a great gift giving item because the robe fits a range of sizes.”

My take: I bet you two buffalo nickels that there would be half a dozen beer bottle caps and two empty lighters in those “front patch pockets.”

Margaritaville Brewing Company—Landshark Lager Cap

“Cap with slide buckle closure. Available in two colors: Khaki or Blue”

My take: If you’re purchasing this embarrassment, you might as well go all the way and order the blue denim hat. A hat made of denim? GETOUTTATOWN!

Bud Light Interchangeable Buckle For Seatbelt Belts!

“Hot fashion accessory! Interchangeable Buckles for Seatbelt Belts! Made with the genuine vintage/recycled/collectible bottle cap of your choice as the buckle’s push-button release! Many different soda/beer brands available! Choose your favorite brands, and show them off in style! These interchangable Buckles are guaranteed to attract lots of looks, and will be a fun conversation starter wherever you wear them! Available exclusively from DAS Designs, these buckles are made for use with our original Seatbelt Belts, the fun and colorful fashion web belts with real working, recycled seatbelt buckles, and…they will also work with practically any seatbelt belt with a removable buckle! Seatbelt Belts are sold separately, and are available in a rainbow of hot colors!”

My take: I’d be sure to replace my current seatbelt buckle after a hard night of drinking with this Bud Light beacon o’ safety. It would provide me with a special sense of security as I’m swerving dangerously through traffic.

Are you as peeved about these fashion nonos as I am? Send me pics of Smirnoff tank tops, Kahlua hot pants, or Bartles and Jaymes Mardi Gras beads. Send them to thedailypeeve@gmail.com, drop them off at the Facebook group, or tweet your little heart out (@thedailypeeve)

Pet Peeve 002: When People Don’t Turn On/Off Their Turn Signal

GREAT find! Thanks airtrafficamanda for the words of widsom. Follow/Read her other ideas with the link below.

airtrafficamanda:

This is meant to signify when a car is going to turn/merge. If a car has already made said turn, or especially if the car has already merged and is planning on staying in that same lane, then it is more than important to turn off the turn signal. Not turning off the turn signal just makes me really confused/cautious driving near you, because I’m not really sure whether or not you are actually still trying to get into another lane, or if you just don’t realize your signal is still on.

What’s even more annoying is when people don’t USE their turn signal. There’s not much I can say about this that isn’t already illustrated in the diagram below:

Miss Me Much?

My hellos has a 24-hour freshness date. It’s like you bought a half gallon of my greetings at the grocery store and the jug said “Best if Used Within 24 Hours.” Once is enough. It extends through the business meetings, watercooler discussion, lunch, telephone and email convos, and the ritual “walking out to your car and making small talk” exercise. The expectation is reciprocal. I DO NOT need to say hello to you 5-6 times throughout the work day. Below is an actual workday summary with my pal “Consuelo.” Of course I paraphrased, but my emotions and how I reacted to Connie are real.

What do you think? How do you handle the barrage of hellos? Leave your thoughts on the blog, send me a tweet (@thedailypeeve), or become a fan on facebook.

Can I Borrow a Square…and How are the Quarterly Projections?

The Daily Peeve is back! I know, you were so worried that Somalian pirates had hijacked the blog and are ransoming blog posts for World Cup coverage, but let’s hear from another fan: 

“Call me crazy but since when did asking people work related (or just general) questions in the bathroom become acceptable behavior?  Most definitely one of my pet peeves…when people try to talk to me in the bathroom!!  Does it make sense to anyone that when you sit in a bathroom stall that it is okay to ask the person next to you questions? Yes, I know that women are known to go into the bathroom in pairs and talk to one another.  This is a completely different ball game.  If you came in with the person and you are talking as you come in, it is okay.

Today, I go into the bathroom by myself, no one else is in any of the stalls.  I sit down and I hear someone come in.  The person goes into a stall and I hear, “Kory, is that you?” I think to myself…are.  you.  freakin.  kidding me?  I slowly respond, umhuh.  They then proceed to ask me questions about work related matters that CLEARLY could and should have waited until I was outside of the bathroom.  As a general rule people, when it comes to the bathroom…don’t talk to me, don’t look at me, just let me be!”

Sounds like you’re in a pickle. I think you should be flattered that people want to continue their conversations with you while they’re taking a poo. They obviously feel comfortable to discuss reports and numbers while double flushes are happening.

If you hear the following conversation strands, THEN I would be worried:

• “I can’t find the string! I can’t find the string!”
• “Can you just hold me for a little while?”
• “BOOM SHAKA LAKA!”

Do you have any suggestions for Kory? Leave them on the blog, post them on the Twitterdelitter, or become a fan of TDP on Facebook. What do you think?

Rachael Ray (Need I Say More?)

The list could go on and on, but I bulleted just a few peeves connected to her:

• Her raspy voice. It sounds like she needs a constant IV of liquified lozenges attached to her forearm at all times. Rest your pipes honey.
• Her abbreviations for EVERYTHING. During any 30-minute cooking show, she’s bound to light up bombs like “EVOO/Yum-o/Delish/Spoonula.” I need an unabridged dictionary/thesaurus combo to follow her show. I want to know how to make your arugula salad, please give it to me easy!
• Her recipe names are too long, hard to remember, and unfunny. Here’s just a sampling: “Why-the-Chicken-Crossed-the-Road Santa Fe-Tastic Tortilla Soup,” “Chicken in a Pot, No Pie,” and “Long Live The Chicken a la King!,” I get that you want your recipes to stand out, but using 6 hyphen in one title is a bit much.

What do you think about RayRay? Leave your opinion below, send me an email to thedailypeeve@gmail.com, or join the Facebook fan group.

Listen, ladies. It’s Sex & the City. You know, after Bradshaw’s column. We can’t be friends if you replace the “&” with “in.” We just can’t.

(via ramou)

Happy Memorial Day Weekend! Start your Engines, and Quit Wasting My Time

Ryan takes The Daily Peeve into the corporate workforce today with his peeve:

“Picture this: Public Defender Agency; 2010.

It’s a somewhat busy afternoon at the Agency. Indigent people are committing crimes left and right with no regard to public safety (especially the juveniles). I am working on a huge waiver case (for those who are not aware of what a waiver is: a waiver is when the prosecutor files a motion to waive the alleged crimes committed by a juvenile to adult court). I am working on my packet of information including police reports, medical releases, school disciplinary records, etc. I hit print and start my mad dash to the copy room but luckily we have secure printing in our office so I don’t have to worry about all of this confidential information ending up in the wrong hands. As I head to the copy room, I step up to the massive, Xerox machine to print my shit. As I’m about to enter my passcode to release my documents to print, SOMEONE else’s shit starts to print! It was the damn major felony attorney (an elderly, african-american man who is about 5’1 and weighs about 100lbs) who removed the secure printing option from his computer to print his stuff out immediately!!! I’m livid!!!  

My first thought is to just pause, take a deep breath and tell myself his stuff will print quickly. It’s not like I’m under any time constraint (Acutally, I was). To make a long story short: 30 minutes later and 2 boxes of paper (which is 4 reams per box…which comes out to 2,000 pages per box) he is FINALLY finished. I could not believe how much paper he printed out! Not to mention how much time I wasted by just standing there!!!! All this because he did NOT have his secured print option set up on his computer!!! If he would have had that set up I would have beaten him to the copy room and I would have had everything I need to be turned in to my boss on time. 

Moral of the story: FOR GOD SAKES SECURE YOUR PRINT DOCUMENTS!!!!!! 

Next time this happens I’m gonna shank somebody.”

I’ve brainstormed a list of ideas you can use the next time this predicament shows:

• Photocopy your butt and secretly place it in the middle of his copies. He’ll look like a total perv to the rest of your coworkers.
• Create a personal mantra that can help you calm down in times of chaos. Calmly reciting Will Smith’s “Gettin Jiggy Wit It” helps me cool my jets. 
• Practice choreography from some of your favorite Pussycat Dolls music videos. For a moderate workout, begin with Stickwitu. For more of a challenge (which I think you’re up for), advance to Buttons. Not only will this kill time, but it will also work your gluts.

Do you have any suggestions for Ryan? Leave them on the blog, or send them to thedailypeeve@gmail.com. In the words of Snoop Dogg, “What it do, baby boo?”